Why did I request that you sit through that deplorable clip? For good reason my friends… because this is an amazing and cautionary tale about young republican asshat attorneys with too much money and the troubles they find themselves in.

According to the Pioneer press, the St. Paul paper, our good friend Gabriel was drugged and robbed by a beautiful lady thief. Sounds like this lucky lady hit the jackpot on this guy. Lets hope she’s out on the beach in the carribean sipping mai tias laughing about the heist. According to the article:

The theft occurred early on Sept. 4, hours after Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin gave her speech accepting her party’s vice presidential nomination. A police report said Schwartz told officers he met a woman at the bar and took her to his $319-a-night room.

“Victim reported suspect made victim drinks, told him to get undressed, which is the last thing he remembers,” a police narrative said. “Upon waking, victim discovered money, jewelry gone; total loss over $120K.”

A police report notes the crime occurred between 4:22 and 5:46 a.m., and Palmer said investigators believe Schwartz was drugged, although he declined to discuss details.

Aside from the watch, ring, necklace, earrings and belt, Schwartz also reported a $1,000 purse or wallet, a $1,500 cell phone, $500 in cash and a couple of rings worth $50 had been taken.

When “Gabe” was reached by phone he said he “couldn’t comment on it now”. The moral of this story kids? Asshat warmongers end up being the biggest losers of all.

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